Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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