I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
