I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i think my cat just said my name.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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