Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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