Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
