Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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