Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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