Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
