my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
