you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
