Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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