I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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