I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
