she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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