you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
