genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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