he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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