I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
