The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
