i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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