You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
