i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
