I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
