Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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