my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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