I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
