there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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