everyone is single if you try hard enough
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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