so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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