then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
