Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
