i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize