i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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