i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
