My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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