What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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