I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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