so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
