Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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