It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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