I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
