am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
