That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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