haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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