You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
