I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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