Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
