if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
