Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
