I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
