So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
