i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
