the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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