my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So many bounce houses so little time
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
