Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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