That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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