She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
false alarm, still single
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
