cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize