I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
