i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Im part way to drunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
