I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
