you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
