I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
