we have pet lesbian snakes
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
