I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Are we still banned from the library?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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