the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
