she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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