My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize