I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
