i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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