What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
