my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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