This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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