If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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