life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
