yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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