I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
